What You Need
by Yamchas Big Pants
Summary: For centuries soldiers had called it different things, but was now known to most as the “thousand yard stare”. Leon glanced away guiltily as he finished sterilising his blade in the flame of a small lighter." LeonxAshley oneshot


This was the worst of it. The adrenaline crash. The respite was well deserved and much needed, but Leon knew the signs as he had experienced them before. He saw the haunted look in her eyes; the empty, soulless gaze that now, undistracted by fear or the need to survive, focused blankly on nothing. For centuries soldiers had called it different things, but was now known to most as the "thousand yard stare". Leon glanced away guiltily as he finished sterilising his blade in the flame of a small lighter.

Happy that it was suitably clean of las plagas guts and gore, Leon picked up a small ration pack and gutting it as though it were a fish, revealed its contents. It was bleak; no real food, but it would keep her on her feet just a little while longer. That was all he needed; a little while.

Ashley gave an involuntary shudder and her gaze focused slightly.

"Here", he whispered huskily, as he passed the foiled wrapped paste to her.

Shaking fingers reached out to take the "meal" from him. Her appetite was all but gone; what with the images of entrails and organs being blasted apart by gun and monster, but she knew she must eat. Her thoughts swung wildly from the urgent need to escape and the drowning feeling that perhaps she should throw herself in front of one of Leon's bullets, freeing everyone from this horrid situation.

Lowering her tongue to the food, she didn't want to touch it. If she ever were to escape this hell, she didn't think she could ever scrub enough to feel clean again. In fact, she'd feel cleaner bathing in a sewer. At least then she would have some idea what the grime and rot was that was clinging to her skin. Feeling the ordinarily dull and unexciting ration explode with flavour in her mouth, Ashley felt her dry mouth moist with saliva. Glancing up with the little energy she had, Ashley blushed weakly to find Leon examining her with a soft look in his normally cold and guarded eyes.

Swallowing gently, she did her best to mask the intense swelling in her chest this caused.

"I must look awful for you to look at me like that" She croaked, glancing away from him, unable to bear the intensity.

Leon stared down at his knife. ",and how was I looking at you?" He asked in that low quiet tone of his that made her nerves jangle.

Ashley looked down at the foil wrapped "puke" labelled "chicken flavour". It took all her effort not to sob with self-pity.

"Like I'm never going to get out of here alive" She tried to smile as though she were joking, but the tears stung in her eyes and the growing lump in her throat threatened to choke her.

Leon frowned, and glanced up through his own fatigue. "No, that wasn't at all how I was looking at you"

Ashley's head snapped around weakly at that, and she stared openly in surprise at him; he wasn't usually so rhetorical in his speech. It made her heart hammer faster against her ribcage; her sore, bruised, swollen ribcage. It needed no more torment, and though she knew she shouldn't be feeling these emotions when so much hung in the balance, she couldn't and wouldn't fight them. These blossoming affections for Leon were keeping her going. Sometimes when they had the odd respite from terror, it occurred to Ashley that even if she got out of this alive, these feelings wouldn't be left behind with this horrible place. But of course Leon wouldn't have to be with her anymore, and that would crush her heart and her mind. He was the only anchor making this survivable. And when he was gone, how could she cope with this?

"Then how were you looking at me?" She asked, tears leaking out involuntarily between lashes.

"I know how you feel Ashley; I've had the counselling and the training." He said quietly, his expression unchanged.

A surge of anger flooded her and made her heart ache painfully. He was talking about this place? This awful unimaginable hellhole, too dark and unthinkable to her young, naive mind? How dare he condescend to her when he had no idea. He had no idea! She was plucked literally off the street and woke up in a living nightmare. And now he, the only light in her darkness, he, her beautiful, strong, raw and primitively sexual saviour, awakening sensations and stirrings in her heart and in her blossoming young body…dared to tell her how she felt in such a cold and professional tone?

He had no idea!

"I know you're attracted to me because your mind needs focus and hope. That's perfectly natural. When we get out of here, there are professionals who will help you. They'll tell you its Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". His eyes were level and half-lidded with exhaustion. He felt she would need to hear this. She had to have something logical on which to ground her emotions. Some rationale to cling to get through this with her emotions intact.

Ashley was dumbstruck. Her jaw worked limply, as though trying to say some unspeakable words.

"You…you…asshole!" She whispered venomously. Pulling her dirty orange sweater closer around her shoulders, she felt the anger build behind the tears which gathered tremulously on her thick lashes.

"How dare you assume my feelings! You think you're that much of a stud do you? You have no idea how I feel!" She bit her lip before she could say "and I don't need you". That was too big a lie.

Leon's features hardly even flinched, only his sharp and intimate gaze roamed her face. She felt as though she was being undressed by his stare, and it hurt her. Not because she felt violated, but because she felt…humiliated. Humiliated and childish. He was making little of her feelings, and though he was probably right about why she felt this way, it wasn't what she needed to hear right now. He might not feel the same way, but at least let her retain her integrity and her dignity.

Her outburst wasn't finished yet. "And just who are you to give anyone advice! You don't have a feeling bone in your body, you cold son of a bitch!" her speech was broken by angry sobs, her volume always low but stinging. "You wouldn't know what it was like to care for someone, so who are you to say that-"

The flat of his fingers on her lips, and his suddenly tense crouch instantly silenced her. A noise. Ashley froze in utter terror, her emotional tirade halted by sheer instinct.

Leon crept close to the door, his pistol already in his grip, bullets being silently loaded as he moved like some African big cat. Peering around the door, he gave Ashley only the view of his sinewy neck, tanned and strong, as he investigated. Holstering his gun, the tension drained instantly from his body, as he identified an open window clattering against its frame in the putrid breeze. As his penetrating gaze met that of his charge, she felt the coil of tension and fear within her slowly unwind. And she couldn't help but sob.

Long and hard, covering her mouth to stifle it. This of course only made it worse; a long dragging in her lungs that felt so bad it felt good. Feeling Leon's arms wrap around her in the semi-gloom, was no help. It made the feeling more intense, and she wanted to push him away and devour him all at once.

Her weak wrist strained against his relaxed but muscular chest. To her relief and disappointment he did not budge, but continued to hold her. His scent; masculine and warm and the cleanest thing she had smelled in days was intoxicating. He shifted her into his lap and let her cry. Ashley's bloodied fingers travelled tentatively up his strong neck and disappeared into his caramel hairline. Her breath hitched, and she felt drawn to feel more. Leon allowed her her exploration of his body. Her sobs calming, she gently buried her face into his neck, feeling the comfort of his warmth and soft skin against her sore cheeks.

She shouldn't be doing this and neither should he, but if she was going to die here, she wanted to at least put her inhibitions behind her and indulge if he was willing, in just a little heaven.

Leon closed his eyes and frowned against the sensations she was stirring in him. She was a civilian. A beautiful young girl full of promise and zest for life, and his job was to protect her and bring her back as unharmed as possible. If he denied her an expression of comfort against this horror, he feared he'd be doing more damage, and so he allowed her. Yet, he knew he couldn't encourage her; though he might long to. He was still a human being and knew he too would need extensive counselling to even begin to deal with this evil seeping through every pore. But at that he was a man, and a man suffering from an adrenaline crash; drained dry of energy and any normal way to process his emotion. And yet he couldn't show her any encouragement in her distracting ministrations. He couldn't allow her to think he reciprocated her attraction; though he very much did, nor the feelings she had for him; which he might. It was better not to think of himself; only her.

Ashley's soft bee-stung lips plucked gently at his salty neck, needing his intimacy to exercise all of these conflicting emotions, needing that adrenaline rush again to carry on.

As hard as he'd tried to mask the effect she was having on him, his pulse raced erratically against the skin of his throat and he involuntarily released a shaky breath.

The young woman was excited by this sign and began to dust light kisses along his skin. Leon frowned over her shoulder, fighting for control and composure. Tears leaked slowly between her closed lashes as she kissed along his jaw line and to his ear. She clutched desperately at him, wanted more and more to disappear inside Leon's warmth, and red and oranges bled out behind her closed eyelids; colours of comfort, warmth, security. All things Leon had become to her. She doubted that had Leon been any other man, she would feel this way. After all being a senator's daughter all her life, she had been surrounded by well built, serious and sometimes handsome men. They were no more than employees even when tense situations had arisen…though never anything like this.

His arms around her slim trembling frame, held her securely and he focused on that. Simply holding her, and being a passive object for her needs. He could do that. She couldn't handle his need and his utter grief at what he had seen and done. But he had to handle hers.

Her breath in his ear as she hitched a soft sob, hit him right between the legs and clenching his eyes shut was all he could do to try and stave off the beginnings of an erection. That was something he could not afford to allow. The practical problem: His guard would be down and they would be vulnerable. The REAL problem: He couldn't allow her to be a receptacle for his needs; tricking her fragile young heart into believing it would be anymore than a physical need; or would it? It wasn't a time for debating this. Just hold her, Leon, just let her do what she wants, make her feel better for now.

Ashley's soft lips travelled a tender trail along the slightly stubbly but taught skin of Leon's cheek, until they met the corner of his lips. An electric shot to her most intimate areas, opened Ashley's sultry brown eyes and forced Leon's cobalt blue eyes to meet hers reluctantly. She could see stirrings of passion there and it was enough for her to know that she could at least turn him on as he had done to her. It already made her feel more like herself; more confident, more in control.

"Please Leon" She pleaded in a whisper, hoping against all hopes in the pit of her empty stomach that he would open his lips to her, allow her that one guilty pleasure…and she would abandon any hope of reciprocation after this. She swore. She just needed him right now.

His eyes focused intensely on her lips, dry and swollen as they were; they were still the most appealing thing he'd ever seen. She pushed them against his relenting beneath her. Her eyes slid shut and she could feel the fresh tears struggle their way down her dirty flesh. He moved gently against her, the taste of his tongue tentatively stroking her swollen lips. She could taste him; a taste she knew was only Leon's, stirring the liquid lust way down low between her legs. She hiccupped a sob, as he gave in and kissed her back, allowing his need to satisfy hers. She gasped a breath between lip-locks and whispered his name with more need than simply physical passion. A need no one had ever uttered.

And Leon had to end it; that hot, wet, sweet, and painful embrace that made his pulse race and his loins throb with unrestrained want. He brought her face into his neck, holding her close and let her ride the crash of adrenaline. He couldn't satisfy the need they both shared: relief from the lusty tension building in their most intimate of places. So held her till she came back down again. She sobbed silently against his form as he fought to control his breathing; their chests moving in counter rhythm against one another.

"I love you Leon" Ashley whispered, too exhausted and affected by the emotional landslide for her pride to keep it hidden.

"I know" he said quietly, the sound reverberating through his sturdy chest. A sad smile played on Ashley's face.

It didn't matter if he was right about why she felt like this. Perhaps it was all too normal for victims to "fall in love" with their rescuers. He wasn't making fun of her. He was concerned. He was trying to give her reassurance; trying to give her something other than himself to anchor herself to. And yet, he was willing to give her what she needed to deal with this, even if it meant giving himself.

Ashley, sleep overwhelming her, decided that if they did survive she'd ask him to do some overtime and investigate this feeling. She'd prove to him she was in love, and who knows, maybe he'd agree.


End file.
